How to Forgive, When Forgiveness Feels Impossible
Updated: Mar 7
To forgive does not mean that we condone someone’s actions. It doesn’t mean that we accept someone’s behavior as being ‘acceptable’.
So what is it then? In my experience, it is an opportunity to let go of the poisonous anger or bitterness that I carry around like a ball and chain. An emotion that can make me feel like a victim in life.
Now, I am not saying that anger is bad, it shows us when something is off and is a legitimate feeling that needs to be felt/processed. However, anger that is repetitive and long-term can cloud our perspectives and/or create balls of anxious bitterness in our guts. RAWR! It can keep us trapped in a state of mind that cuts us off from the light. And this, my friend, does have consequences. The trick is to learn what anger wants to teach or show us about a given situation and then channel that energy into something more productive. (Which is up to you to decide and different for everyone.)
Think of it like dropping the rope in a tug of war game. The opponent falls to the ground, and no longer are you engaging in that back and forth push/pull of energy.
"RAWR!" or <SIGH>
Your arms can relax, you can stand up straight and get a sip of cool refreshing water. You can decide to walk away or decide on what level you want to engage.
Forgiveness, or letting go of the rope, is freedom.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we stop fighting when there is injustice, for example. It just means that we find a new way to engage from a higher perspective, even if from a distance. It is possible to fight for justice, from a place of compassion, for those out there who create harm. In fact, this might even be more effective.
Note: Compassion does not mean condoning behavior either, it’s a perspective that can allow us to see the other person as they truly are, and often they are hurting human beings too, while saying no to specific types of behavior at the same time.
How to start the process of forgiving?
It’s not always easy and it’s okay to ask for help from your higher self, the universe, God/Goddesses, the angels, or whomever else you believe in. I have found that one of the best ways to get freedom and perspective is to pray for their happiness. Even if it feels like throwing a grenade of goodness over a stone wall because you don’t want to connect with them directly or energetically. That’s what I have done and visualized for really tough cases!
You don’t have to feel the love in your heart when you do this, but you can still pray for them, turning the care of them over to the universe, and this in turn, which will raise your vibration and help you get some emotional distance, aka freedom.
When we step back and raise our vibration in this manner, we can break karmic patterns (experiences that keep happening over and over with different people), break past life contracts, and give our hearts a chance to help us see things from a new perspective, which is hard to do when we are in the middle of pain and suffering.
Here are some options of prayers to try, please choose whatever/whomever works to put your prayer out to:
Higher Self/Universe/God/Goddess/Angels: Give them (insert name and visualize them) everything I can desire for myself and more times infinity. Thy will not mine, be done for them.
Higher Self/Universe/God/Goddess/Angels: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. (I recommend using this as a mantra and pay attention to the shifts in thought)
Higher Self/Universe/God/Goddess/Angels: Save me from my anger. Restore me to sanity.
To the person: Visualize the person and say, “I am sorry, I forgive you, I love you (I “accept” you if love is too hard to say) and thank you”.
And finally, try chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo in the morning and at night on a regular basis. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo calls on your Buddhahood to emerge from within your own life, thus elevating your perspective. And it also connects you to the highest good in the universe. It is the name of all things Buddha. You can use this to transform poison into medicine, raise your life condition (vibration) and create positive causes for your life. It helps to be a part of a community and study Buddhism as well. To learn more about this check out www.buddhability.com.
The process of Forgiveness is just that… A process. Unfortunately, many of us do not have the luxury of waiting for someone else to apologize or own their mistakes, thus giving us permission to finally let go. What’s important is our freedom now and by taking responsibility for our own healing and happiness, we can move and blossom beyond any situation. Prayer is a way to get the ball rolling in a new direction.
The important thing is to do a bit of prayer/intention every day. Feel the feelings if things get tough, work with a trained professional if you need to. But keep asking for help and putting that intention out there. I guarantee that you will notice a difference in your life. It may also unknowingly help them too and create a positive change in your relationships given your new perspective. Amazing things are always possible. And healing knows no bounds. Healing is Always possible.
Do you have any other tools that have helped you to find your way to forgiveness? Please feel free to share in the comments below.